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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735932">First times for everything</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookFangirlMaryJane/pseuds/BookFangirlMaryJane'>BookFangirlMaryJane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Dancing, Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Missy playing the piano, Spoilers for Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, Thirteen being very flustered, a little bit, i can't write smut, is it non-con when she doesn't know who he is?, so it's off-screen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:14:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,448</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookFangirlMaryJane/pseuds/BookFangirlMaryJane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When they were young, two boys made a promise.<br/>Now, the Doctor finds herself trying to keep it.</p>
<p>—o—</p>
<p>Slight spoilers for Spyfall, but mostly off-handed mentions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Missy, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. but you're the wrong person</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah, so I had A Thought.<br/>It devolved into this.</p>
<p>This is set after Yaz gets transported to Australia by the Kasaavin.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>She’s never done this in a woman’s body, in this body, the Doctor thinks, and all at once, her mind rebels, her body freezes up. She’s never done this as a woman. This is her first time as a woman. Her <strong>first time</strong>...</p><p>“Doctor? What’s wrong?” O’s gentle voice cuts through her panicked thoughts and startled hazel eyes flicker up at his face. “Huh? Nothing, no, it’s alright.” Her lips pull into a smile. It must look horribly fake because her friend (do friends kiss?) only frowns deeper and pulls back. A part of her breathes out in relief.</p><p>They’re in his cottage, in Australia, and until he offered her his bed for the night and then, hesitantly, asked if she would mind sharing, she hadn’t known what exactly would happen. O is sweet and gentle and he’s very handsome. He’s a brilliant kisser. But now…</p><p>“Did I… do something wrong?” he asks, worry etched into every fiber of his being. She’s quick to reassure him: “No, no! You’re perfect, you did nothing wrong! It’s…” The blonde hesitates. She hasn’t told this to anyone, hasn’t talked about it, even tried not to think about it. It hurts, the thought of her… well, her everything, really.</p><p>“I’m… I’m sorry, O. I don’t think this is a good idea.” As soon as the Doctor has said it, she wants to take the words back. They sound stupid, they sound like an excuse. Well, they <strong>are</strong> an excuse, but it sounds more like she doesn’t want to do this with O. Which, she does, sure, but…</p><p>“It’s not… not <strong>you</strong>, O. You’re sweet and brilliant and perfect and I really like you and would love to… But I can’t…” She tries and fails to find the right words. O reaches for her hands and gently squeezes them. “It’s alright, Doctor. If you don’t want to do this, then we don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to explain it.”</p><p>But she <strong>does</strong>, she really does. O deserves an explanation. “I do. I just… This body hasn’t… I haven’t… really…” By his blush, she takes that he understands what she’s going for. “Oh,” he says, eyes flickering down in… Is that embarrassment or… disappointment?</p><p>“Oh,” he repeats and she wants to make a joke about how that’s his name but he keeps talking. “That’s okay. You don’t have to… It’s something special, then, and I understand if you don’t want to do… that… with someone like me.” Oh, no! That’s not at all what she means!</p><p>“Hey, no. Look at me.” She waits until brown eyes hesitantly glance up into her hazel ones and then she squeezes his hands. “I said I would love to do this with you and I meant that. It’s just…” The Doctor breathes in and out several times, breathes through the pain of trying to say it, breathes to build up the strength to explain it.</p><p>“I… I made a promise. Ages ago. To… to someone really special to me. It was back when we were young and he was… We were each other’s first and we made a promise to… well, if we ever changed, that we would… be that again. But…”</p><p>She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until O reaches out and thumbs away her tears. “But then things went wrong and… and I tried so hard but then he… he died, or I thought he did, and I couldn’t… I didn’t… for centuries, I didn’t… And then he came back, just like that, and… I only ever did it once with someone else before him because I thought he was dead, only then it turned out he wasn’t, or really she wasn’t, and…”</p><p>The first, hesitant words have opened a floodgate and now she can’t stop. “And she was brilliant and she was… I thought things were changing between us, going back to how they were when we were younger, but then she… I don’t even know what happened. She left me and I don’t know if she was lying or not and I couldn’t check because then I blew up the ship and when I woke up I was in the TARDIS, light-years away from the ship and then I was changing and falling and…”</p><p>Two arms envelop her and pull her into a hug. The Doctor clings to O and silently cries into his chest, cries for her oldest friend in the universe and her very first crush and love and… yes, her <strong>everything</strong> is a very apt description now that she thinks about it.</p><p>“I’m so-sorry, O, really,” she manages to get out between hiccupping sobs. He shushes her gently. “Hey, it’s okay. I understand. You made a promise and you want to keep it. I respect that. I mean, I… I really would’ve liked to… do this with you but… but I understand. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”</p><p>She sniffles. “T-thank you, O.” He hums and rubs her back. “Of course, Doctor.”</p><p>They stay like this for a long time. She finds comfort in the way she perfectly fits in his arms, against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It’s nice, even if the double-beat of her oldest friend would be far more soothing. A few times she catches herself imagining it, a four-beat drumming away in O’s chest. It hurts that it’s not real.</p><p>At some point the Doctor must have drifted off because when she next opens her eyes, the sun is shining through one of the windows and she’s lying down, snuggled into O’s side, with his hands running through her hair. Oh, that feels nice. It’s just like…</p><p>She swallows back the painful memories of two boys playing in red grass and under the beam of two suns in the sky and instead closes her eyes again. Just a few minutes. The universe can wait before being saved again for just a few more minutes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>—o—</strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. and you're the right person</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The Doctor lingers before the door to the basement, takes minutes, hours maybe just trailing towards it but turning away at the last moment every time.</p><p>She wants to go inside, wants to go downstairs and knock at the Vault door and let herself in. She honestly wants to do that. But so far, she hasn’t found the courage to do so.</p><p>It’s so hard. After…</p><p>The blonde shakes her head, tries to get the thought out of her mind again. It’s not working. Of course it isn’t. How could it? Her home on fire is not a thing to just shake off like that.</p><p>But this is not the time for questions and for blaming someone for something they haven’t done yet. Missy is still in the Vault. Still trying to be good. It’s not her fault that it didn’t work. Mostly, it’s Saxon’s fault, the blonde thinks. If he hadn’t been there…</p><p>Well, it does no one any good to dwell on ‘what if’s.</p><p>Finally, the Doctor manages to pluck up enough courage to open the door and slowly wander down the stairs. It’s strange, to be back here. Her past self isn’t in right now. Neither are Bill and Nardole. As far as she remembers, they’re out and about on an adventure. They shouldn’t be back for a rather long while.</p><p>Before the Vault doors, the blonde hesitates again. It’s one thing to think about this, hypothetically, but it’s a different thing altogether to be standing here, ready to enter. It’s been… a while. She isn’t sure she can do this.</p><p>Piano music suddenly filters through the closed doors. The Doctor blinks, then chuckles.</p><p><em>‘Should I stay or should I go?’</em> by The Clash.</p><p>“Yeah, that is the question, isn’t it?” she whispers into the room.</p><p>She listens for a while. Then the piece changes. She has to chuckle again.</p><p><em>‘Love is an open door’</em> from their favorite Disney movie.</p><p>They’ve clearly watched <em>‘Frozen’</em> one too many times together. Or maybe more than one too many times, really. Missy had been particularly fond of Disney movies and ol’ Grumpyface certainly couldn’t deny her a few (a lot) quiet nights snuggled in front of a TV, watching animated movies and pretending not to cry.</p><p>(He had pointed out several inaccuracies during their movie nights, of course, and had gotten a right scolding from Missy for it. She had claimed he’d been spoiling the fun of watching the little princesses be tricked and poisoned and whatnot, but really, he caught her smiling at the cute kissing scenes and the happy endings every time.)</p><p>“You’re right,” the blonde Time Lord whispers to herself and the closed door. “I should just go inside. It’s not a big deal. Just a door. Just meeting a friend. Just… Oh, who am I kidding? It’s never <strong>just</strong> anything with her.”</p><p>Despite her words, she walks forward, knocks twice to be polite, and enters the string of password code that would open the door. It’s a long and weary process but Grumpyface stupidly locked the door and keyed it to his own fingerprints, which, now that she’s got a whole new set of those, was a pretty dumb move in hindsight. Well, you know what they say about hindsight…</p><p>With a click the door opens and the Doctor steps into the Vault.</p><p>Missy is sat at her piano, back towards the door, still playing. It’s not <em>‘Frozen’</em> anymore. Oh, the Doctor recognizes that one, too.</p><p><em>‘Stars’</em> by Jesse Brown.</p><p>A nice piece. Soft and sweet, perfect, maybe, for them. For simpler times.</p><p>“You’ve been out there for a while, Doctor. I’d started wondering whether you’d just leave again. What, having doubts already? It’s barely been seventy years,” Missy says without turning.</p><p>With a start, the blonde realizes that Missy must not know she’s not the Doctor. Well, not <strong>her</strong> Doctor. Grumpyface. Oh. Oh, that’s gonna be fun.</p><p>“I do hope you brought food. I’m starving.”</p><p>She glances down at the paperbag clutched in her hand. Fish and chips. They’re bound to be cold by now, though. Shame. Well, they’ll still be delicious.</p><p>Nervously, she steps closer. Her boots make far too much noise. She winces at every sound. Missy doesn’t turn but tilts her head a bit, as if listening. To what? The music? Or her footsteps? She’s a (reforming) evil genius, and obsessed with the Doctor, surely she knows her best enemy’s footsteps by hearts.</p><p>“Hello, Missy,” the Doctor says.</p><p>Missy stops playing and turns around instantly. Blue eyes widen in surprise. Blood-red lips part in a silent exhale of air. There is a moment where her shock hangs in the air between them, almost tangible, almost solid, as if either of them could just reach out and pluck it like a ripe apple from a tree.</p><p>“Doctor?”</p><p>The blonde tries to put her hands in her pockets, all nonchalantly, but she’s holding chips and it rustles terribly loud. So she stands there like a fool, head hanging low. In the end, she just sighs, tips her head up and smiles at Missy.</p><p>“Yeah.” Silence. “I regenerated.” Still silence. “Well, I will. Grumpyface is still around, on an adventure or something. I’m from the future. Dropping in. Just sort of. Saying <em>‘hi’</em>. Sorry. I’ve brought chips!” As proof the blonde holds up the paperbag.</p><p>Missy finally unfreezes. Her lips curl into a smirk and she’s out of her seat in a flourish of swishing purple fabric. Her heels click on the ground as she approaches.</p><p>“Hello, Doctor. My, your new face is <strong>adorable</strong>!” the Time Lady gushes and then her hands are on the Doctor’s cheeks, pulling her face close and towards her and- Okay, they’re kissing. Alright. She can do kissing. She’s done kissing before. Oh stars, what does she do with her lips?!</p><p>Something thumps to the ground and then her fingers ghost over Missy’s jaw, onto her neck, pulling her close, lips on lips, her best enemy’s hands sliding into blonde hair to pull her even closer still. Right. <strong>That’s</strong> how you kiss.</p><p>The Doctor is melting into the other woman’s body. It feels so perfect. So utterly goddamn perfect, right there, in Missy’s arms, hearts beating against hearts, lips over lips, minds brushing so close they’re almost melding but not quite, not yet, not-</p><p>She pulls back before either of them can lose herself in the feeling. Both women are breathing a little harder and Missy’s lipstick is slightly smudged at one edge. Oops.</p><p>With a dopey grin the Doctor licks her lips. <strong>Eww</strong>. Lipstick doesn’t taste very good. “Hi,” she repeats. Her friend rolls her eyes. “We’ve done that already, dear. And you’ve dropped the chips.”</p><p>Both of them look down at the paperbag by the Doctor’s boots. She turns red. “Oh.” Then she shrugs. “Well, they’re probably cold already.”</p><p>Missy chuckles and twirls her around by her hand, making the Doctor quite dizzy. She lets out a startled laugh and follows the movement. Her oldest friend takes a few quick steps and twirls her back into her arms. “What’s this, then?” the Doctor asks with a wide smile.</p><p>“Why, just admiring your new body. It’s really quite cute.” The blonde pouts. “Stop saying that, will you? I’m not cute.” Missy pats her cheek. “Oh, you definitely are, dear.”</p><p>Now she has to fight off a blush. Damn it, why does her oldest friend always make her so flustered? Ugh. It’s annoying. It’s nice, of course, but still <strong>incredibly</strong> annoying.</p><p>“Should I ask what you’re doing here, Doctor?”</p><p>The Doctor considers what to say.</p><p>“D’you remember… when we were young?” she hedges carefully. Missy tilts her head to the side. “I remember a lot of things from when we were young. Anything specific, dear?”</p><p>She feels herself blush deeper. “After we… uhm. For the first time. We promised to… you know.” Oh damn it, she can’t say it. And Missy is getting a kick out of her stuttering like this, judging by her widening smirk.</p><p>“Aw, Doctor! You’re here for a… What do your little pets call it nowadays? ‘Booty-call’?” Her eyes roam the blonde’s body. “Oh, I do think I’ll enjoy stripping you down and making you scream in pleasure.”</p><p>A sound escapes the Doctor’s lips that she will never ever admit to having made, ever. Missy gasps in delight. “Oh, I simply <strong>must</strong> get you to repeat that noise now! And just my luck you’re here for exactly that, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Uhm,” the Doctor says.</p><p>“Come on then, dear.” Missy takes her hand and drags the flummoxed woman after her and towards the bed. Their chips stay forgotten on the floor.</p><p>Good thing they’re cold already.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">The End</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this was supposed to be smut, but I apparently can't write smut and so it's all off-screen.</p><p>It's set chronologically somewhere after Spyfall Pt. 2 for the Doctor and before the whole Monk thing for Missy (but I really haven't thought that bit through, given that there are hours of the 12. Doctor, Bill AND Nardole being AWOL and all...).<br/>Hope you liked this chapter :)<br/>And a huuuge thank you to everyone who left kudos or a comment, or who simply read this story. You guys have NO IDEA how happy it makes me to get a notification like that!</p><p>Mary</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 2 coming soon.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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